Henfield, West Sussex. Take it with a pinch of salt please x

Henfield!

 

I can’t start anywhere but at the beginning and I guess the beginning is Henfield. 60 minutes from London and 20 minutes from the sunny beach front of Brighton, it’s a small village full of typical small village things to do. Take your self back to the years before TV and radio and you’ll kind of get a rough idea of what the Henfield‘ights’ do for fun.

Village plays, which I have to be honest, leave a lot to be desired. Does anyone really want to see a soprano singing, size 18 women dancing on stage in a peter pan outfit trying to make out she is flying? In actual fact some people do, just for a crack. Unless you are one of the directors immediate family or his/her cousin twice removed on their mothers sisters side, then there is no chance auditioning, casting never changes, youngsters that played the child parts 10 years ago, that are now 20 years of age, are still stuck in the same parts.

Monday markets are the high light of some people’s week. Stalls and Stalls selling nothing but tea cosies and hand made cards. One stall sells nothing but glass paper weights and to be honest I don’t think he has ever sold one, the stall seems to get dustier and dustier as the weeks, and years, roll on. Best thing about the Monday market is the mini sausage rolls they sell with milk infused water they call tea. Held in the village hall, as are a lot of things, it’s an ideal setting to go and watch native pensioners at work.

One thing that cannot be missed is Norton House. A small, family run tearoom owned by what could quite possibly be the grumpiest woman to ever have graced the planet. Owning a business like this, when a customer walks in an owner should be pleased to see them, its profit at the end of the day, not this women, she seems to think it’s the worst thing ever if a customer comes in. You do own a teashop my love it’s going to happen so long as it says ‘Open’ on the door. Don’t order a boiled egg after 4.00pm – she won’t do it and if she does she’ll make you wish you never. No phones allowed, if she hears one shell chuck you out before you have even had your first sip of coffee. Children, not a good idea, shell remove the china before you have even sat down and may even force you all to drink from plastic cups. On the up side her home made cakes are wonderful and her toast, best by far for miles. The gift shop, well, imagine the sort of things you used to sit and make with your grandmother, oven glove puppets, decoupage, the same quality but at exclusive prices. Pretty gardens, ideal for summer Saturday afternoons and fabulous home made lemonade. The best bit about this place, excluding the attitude of the owner, is its guest book. Situated right by the front door. Ever go in and have a spare 5 minutes please read some of the comments, you’ll be giggling to your self all day.

“Thanks for the oily crumpets, they’ll do wonders for my joints”

is one of many. One other thing, don’t what ever you do, as my mum did, offer to buy the place from her and tell her you have big ideas for it – shell begrudge you for life. Just sit back, smile sweetly and take in the atmosphere of pure hard work and rush for all of its 4 customers.

Events.

In the summer for a whole weekend, Henfield holds a ‘Garden and Arts’ festival. People come from as far as Worthing to have a nose around people’s gardens, eat all the homemade cakes and drink buckets of tea. Most of the proceeds from this event go to local charities such as the HART foundation. Henfield Area Response Team. It’s a nice thing to do if you have a passion for cakes or gardening.

Don’t get confused thought as some people do, not all the gardens in Henfield are open and involved, as some people have found out. If they are closed and they find you sitting on their garden furniture, you wont get cake given to you, your more likely to get flicked round the ear with a Kath Kidston oven mitt and chased by their tiny, ankle biting dogs off the premises. There are also lots of workshops for children that go on over the course of the weekend, mainly for children. They can be dumped with a total stranger to do a scrap heap challenge while you wonder off enjoying the sun shine, then you come back to find your child has been turned into a cupboard resemblance of a robot or has learnt the wonderful art of making horrible messes called potions out of all the house hold usual’s, shampoo, washing up liquid, beans bleach?! Lock it up when you get home it’ll be gone in a week!